The Ego Trip

When Who’s Right beats What’s Right

We’ve all been there. Disagreement escalates. Focus shifts. The discussion moves from what’s right to who’s right. The culprit isn’t a lack of data, vision or clear direction. It’s a divergence from finding the right solution to one of asserting dominance.

The ego-driven dynamic often emerges from a dominant leadership style, particularly in hierarchical organizations. Yet it also surfaces when individual ambition or ego overshadows the collective goals. This shift sabotages progress. It stifles creativity, erodes trust, crushes morale, and ultimately fails the mission.

Consider the cockpit of an airliner. Pilots constantly face “if-this-then-that” decision-making scenarios. A collaborative approach is taught and encouraged. But, the heat of the moment can easily pull the hierarchically designated leader into a prescriptive delegation over successful collaboration.

This dynamic isn’t limited to the cockpit. It creeps into operating rooms, boardrooms, project teams and daily interactions. When “who’s right” dominates, information gets hoarded, feedback is silenced and innovation stalls.

Teams become the battlegrounds of egos, not collaborative spaces.

When “what’s right” becomes the default question, we can move away from the crushing implications, fostering empowerment, transparent sharing and genuine self-delegation of responsibility in a disagreement.

How Does a Team Move Towards What’s Right?

Psychological safety, discussed in my previous article on followership, is the key. It demands effort from the leader and all participants. A commitment to openness, the guarantee of no reprisals from any team member and an understanding that mistakes are the part of all processes.

You Don’t Polish a Diamond Without Friction

Overcoming the pain of friction with the analogy that diamonds are polished with friction can help everyone understand that the pain is not directed at them. It is not an attack. The friction is a necessary process to achieve the goal.

In doing so, all team members must remember that unnecessary friction also damages the diamond. And, if anyone purposefully imposes that friction, perhaps they’re in the wrong room.

How to Focus on What’s Right

For leaders:

Set the tone: Model vulnerability. Admit your own mistakes. This helps make a psychological safe-zone where your team can openly share. Provide insights, even the painful ones. Do it tactfully.

Ask Questions: As a leader, your best information often comes from those closest to the problems. With experience, it can be tempting to jump in because you’ve “seen it before”. It’s likely the nuance isn’t the same as before.

For Followers:

Focus on Data: Try to keep the team discussion on facts, not feelings. Where the facts and feeling become intertwined, seek more, better or clearer information?

Offer solutions: You may be trying to find the solution, but taking a different approach may be the solution. The approach may remove the Who from the scenario. Break the team down into smaller units, have them search for solutions and then present those. This way individuals can be removed from the core friction thus making it about the what.

Focus on the phrase:

It’s Not About Who’s Right but What’s Right

This empowers the team, and especially those stuck in the argument to move towards the common shared goal with much of their ego intact. Such an approach helps build trust, cohesion and can be the backbone of high-performance teams.